My Blog Has Moved!

Please come visit the new home for cozystyle.

Los Chupacabres - A Cautionary Tale

Several weeks ago one of the women I walk with on Saturdays suggested that we all sign up for a 10k. Up to this point I have only done 5ks, so this was going to be a stretch. She mentioned the 10k would be at night. I figured if I could do a 10k, doing one at night was no big deal. One Saturday morning, we stretched our walk to six miles instead of three, and did just fine. So, I signed up for this event which was being hailed as a "trail run". To me, city girl that I am, "trail run" means sidewalk through a grassy park area. I was still not concerned.

The week before said "trail run", we each received an email from the organizer of the event. I'll share it with you and see if you have the same reaction I did...

"The trail- this is not a run for beginners. The trails are dark with many rocks and opportunities for falling, twisted ankles, scrapes, and bruises. We will use glow sticks to mark the course but paying attention is critical. This is much different than running on the road at night much less during the day. You will need a good quality headlamp and/or flashlight(s). If you plan to run fast be alert. It is very easy to run through a well marked turn at night running slowly much less running a sub 7 min mile. YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION OR YOU WILL RUN OFF COURSE."

Huh.

Cue panic. WTF have I gotten myself into? But this, this was my saving grace...my "out"...

"There will be a 2 hr time limit for this event. Runners must hit the 3.1 mile water stop under 1 hr. Those who do not will be required to go back with the water stop crew. "

Ok, whew. I can go back with the water crew if this whole thing goes south. I feel better. I have a plan.

So, the night of the race we all met up and headed over to the event location. Eric had made sure I brought a really good LED flashlight with me. We started off on the narrow path making good time. We determined that as long as we did a 19 minute mile walking, we were good. It was really dark, so dark even my flashlight only cast light about three feet in front of me at best. And we were in the WOODS. The trail was rocky, uneven, cratered, and full of tree roots. There were glow sticks marking the trail about every thirty feet or so. Our group basically kept together for the first three miles or so. We hit the first water station with no problems. The volunteers pointed us in the direction of where the trail picked up and we were on our way. About the time we hit the four mile marker, the trail got much worse. There were steep inclines, steep declines (and nothing to hold onto to help you down), riverbeds, and even in a couple of places some really low-hanging branches which were pretty dangerous, considering we were all looking at the ground in front of us - not straight ahead.

By the time we got to the next water station, I was about done for. The trail is really rough on your ankles and knees. It's nothing like walking on a flat surface. I honestly don't know how people ran this thing. I and the person behind me had somehow managed to fall behind our group, and so it was just the two of us coming out of the woods to greet the Marines manning the water station. Their response when they saw us? "Are you the last ones?" We answered that yes, we were pretty sure there was no one behind us. We felt sure they would tell us that we were over our time limit and had to go with them back to the start. But no. Instead they said "time to celebrate" and popped the top on the beers they had chilling in their cooler.

Seriously.

They didn't even bother to point us in the direction of where the trail picked up. Just let us wander on. Two lost souls. In the woods. In the dark. Good times.

So, my buddy and I figured we only had maybe another mile and a half or so to go, so we'd just keep going. The farther we went though, the glow sticks became more and more sporadic. And judging by our pedometers - the mile between marker 4 and marker 5 was not, in fact, a mile. It was closer to a mile and a half. But, we soldiered on. Although being out in the woods alone with only one other person is pretty creepy. There were no sounds of other people at all. And have a mentioned that when I was little I used to have a recurring dream about being chased through the woods at night. If it had been snowing, I would have just curled up in the fetal position and cried. But, we kept going.

We hit the final water station, and it was abandoned. No lanterns, no people, nothing. Just a table with some cups of water and Gatorade. We pushed on - determined that we didn't have much farther to go. We walked and walked and walked and there was no sign of mile marker 6. And when you're walking along and realize you haven't seen a glow stick in a long while, you begin to wonder. Finally, we came out onto a gravel road. But, there were no glow sticks on the other side marking where the trail picked up. Nothing. We picked up what we thought was the trail, but really had no idea at this point. We could so easily have gotten turned around. And it became clear that no one associated with the event was sweeping the trail for stragglers.

Suddenly, my companion's phone rang. It was one of the members of our group asking if we were still on the trail. We talked to her for a good ten minutes or so while we continued on hoping we would eventually see mile marker 6 and know that we were close. Finally, we decided we must have gotten turned around or taken a wrong turn somewhere and could be wandering around in these woods for hours. She said she'd send someone for us. So, when we next came out onto a road, we stayed there and waited. An ambulance finally came around the curve and picked us up. We asked how close we were to the finish and were told we weren't far. But, let me tell you, it took some time to drive back to the finish, so I don't think we were that close.

The ambulance let us out at the finish and the only people there were the guys handling the timing chips. Not the race organizers, not the rest of our group, nobody. But damn if those guys didn't want their timing chips back. And let me say, our time? Two hours and forty minutes.

Seriously.

And I was never so glad to see civilization as I was that night. I was exhausted, it was near midnight, and the fear I think finally caught up with me. Because, honestly, that was scary! I'd told Eric I would call him when we finished, and I estimated it would be about 11pm (figuring two hours to finish). By the time I finally called him, he was pretty concerned - concerned enough he asked if I needed him to come get me.

And aside from the fact that the surroundings were pretty creepy, there was the all-too-real possibility of twisting an ankle, or falling and breaking something on the trail. And since the race organizers had packed up and left - with no concern for the participants at all (not to mention the Marines who were way more concerned with gettin' their drink on) I felt like I was damn lucky to be in one piece.

So let me leave you, faithful readers, with the advice to not agree to trail runs, particularly those that are named Los Chupacabres. And don't get lost in the woods near the witching hour.

"All the stories of ghosts and goblins that he had heard in the afternoon now came crowding upon his recollection. The night grew darker and darker; the stars seemed to sink deeper in the sky, and driving clouds occasionally hid them from his sight. He had never felt so lonely and dismal. He was, moreover, approaching the very place where many of the scenes of the ghost stories had been laid."

- The Legend of Sleepy Hollow

Have You Read These?

It's been awhile since I've been so consumed by an author's books, so I had to share. Late last year I took a chance and bought The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. I'd heard good things about it, but I had no idea that I'd get sucked in to it so quickly. I picked this up on my vacation time in December, and finished it Christmas morning. And as soon as I put it down, I wanted to pick it right back up and start it again.

I held off on buying Catching Fire for a few months. I told myself I would buy it for myself as a reward for finishing my next to last class at school. And at the end of March, it was mine! I picked it up right away and delved back into the world of Katniss. This book got me from the first few pages. Definitely a well-deserved reward for finishing my class.

And finally, the last book in the trilogy was released a couple of days after my birthday, so I bought it as a belated birthday gift for myself. I couldn't wait to jump right back in to it.

And book three did not disappoint. I spent the whole book on the edge of my seat, wanting to know what happens next but afraid to find out what happens next. I'm happy to see now that so many people are starting to get hooked on these books too. They are so good and well-worth a read. So, if you haven't read them...run right out and pick up Hunger Games. You won't regret it! I can see myself re-reading these again in the future, or at the very least getting the audiobooks so that I can enjoy them again and again.

Wednesday Meditations

I feel a bit like I'm on a downhill spiral lately. I can't seem to re-ground myself and my emotions are all over the place. My birthday, with regard to my family, was a fiasco. Thank goodness I have a wonderful husband and good friends. But, I guess that's where I begin to realize that when I rely on something or someone external to lift me up and make everything ok then I'm not drawing on my own inner resources. Because when your husband isn't himself and when your friends are busy doing other things, your whole world can begin to feel like it's crumbling.

Lately I've found that I've lost my interest in a lot of things that usually fuel me. It's like after you finish a really good book (Mockingjay), and you feel a bit adrift because a part of you is still stuck in that world. I just can't seem to inhabit the world I'm supposed to be in fully. I find myself reaching out, trying to engage and then ending up feeling a bit invisible or unwanted as if I'm not where I'm supposed to be.

I miss my writing. I miss being connected with myself, which extends to others - rather than feeling like I'm just disconnected. And I no longer feel like I recognize my own self-worth. And I think when you hold so much in all the time, that core of self gets a bit murky. But, I do think getting back to my writing would help this. I used to journal every day. I used to write poetry. I used to write about a lot of things. Perhaps it would help me clear away some of the fog.

So, I guess I need to take a big ole look at my last post and what I want to create for my life and get to gettin'. And it seems that some introspection is in order as well. And ultimately, I need to tend to my own temple. What's going on with other people does not necessarily have anything to do with me. And what looks like rejection or being ignored and not included is my own filter and not necessarily true.

I started this blog in order for it to be a space where I could be myself, write about what I wanted to write about and share my growing love of photography. So, that's the mission statement. Readers and comments, while much appreciated, do not factor into the reasons of why I blog.

So...a little meditation on this Wednesday morning. A "come to Jesus" meeting with myself, if you will. Guess I needed that. And much like meditation, my thoughts were all over the place in this post. But I think this was helpful. Soon I'll post up photos from the Worldwide Walkabout as well as a book review. So, here we go. Happy Wednesday and we'll just call this a do-over.

A Year Older

My birthday is on Sunday. I find that every year around this time induces a bit of anxiety - not so much because I'm dreading getting older, but more because (other than Eric who works hard to make my day extra special) I often feel like my birthday is an afterthought to my family and friends. So, I always approach the day itself with mixed emotions. This year, however, is a little different. This year is getting close to a milestone birthday. And while I am happy with my age, and not worried about growing older, there is a bit of soul-searching going on. There are so so many blessings in my life. Too many to count really. I am grateful each and every moment that I have with this amazing man I married. And ten years ago I couldn't imagine being where I am now, being as happy as I am and being so very lucky for the life I have. So, what's the issue?

I feel like, for being the age I'm about to be, I have a certain expectation of where I should be in my life and what my life should look like. And I think that because it doesn't look a certain way, or doesn't fit my expectations of myself, the number attached to this almost-milestone-birthday is causing me a bit of panic. Like the night before the big exam and you realize you've been screwing around instead of studying. That feeling.

Maybe this is why the book Eat, Pray, Love struck me so hard. It's that moment you wake up and look at your life and think WTF? It's not that I'm not happy. It's not even that I have regret. It's just that I want more. I want to live my life fully, and I haven't been. And a full life is not based on external or material things, those things are just signposts that show you where you are. So, I'm trying to think about what I'd like to see change in my life over the next year - where I'd like to be. Of course, first and foremost I want to continue building my relationship with Eric and making our marriage that best that it can be. Working to not take each other for granted and remembering each day what a blessing it is that we have each other and that we're both in this together.

But, how about those external signposts?

As I've mentioned before, I'm working hard to be a more fit and healthy version of myself. It's important that this next year sees me at a healthy weight, where I am healthier and happier in my own skin. I deserve that. And it's truly within my ability to make it happen.

And also of utmost importance to me is starting a family with Eric. The timing hasn't been right before due to him being in school, then me being in school, job situations, etc. It is really important to us to have children, so this is definitely something I'd like to see happening in the next year.

We are also wanting to buy a house. A couple of years ago, we were ready to buy a house and started house hunting. We never really found anything we fell in love with and perhaps that's for the best because I was laid off from my job at Christmas that year. We haven't gotten back into the house hunting due to all the same reasons above for waiting to start a family. But, owning a home of our own and finally purchasing furniture together instead of existing with hand-me-downs, is a huge dream of mine. The house that we rent was a shining beacon in the sea of "oh hell no" houses we looked at when we got married. But, it's not our own, and I've tried my best to make it a home, but it only partially feels that way. I've got a few rooms to the point where I'm happy with them, but most of the rest of the house is a Feng Shui nightmare. So, having a home of our own is definitely on my list of wants for the next year. Of course, in the meantime I'm going to focus on making the house we rent feel like a home.

The last big piece in my wish list for the Universe is travel. Eric and I love to travel and unfortunately school and job situations have cut into our ability to travel the past couple of years. Travel may have to wait a little while if we're working on starting a family and buying a home, but it's still an important piece of what I'd like my life to look like. And I truly love going to new places and experiencing new things together with Eric. I find that exposing myself to different cultures and seeing new places is an integral part of what makes me who I am. And travel has been a part of our life together from the beginning, so I would like to make sure it continues to be.

So, all that said I'm actually feeling a little more relaxed about my birthday - I feel like I have a plan forward, some goals to work toward. And hopefully Sunday will be a big kick-off to an amazing year. I fully expect that at this time next year, my life will be very different, and hopefully I'll have some checkmarks next to some things I've expressed intention to accomplish.

But, in the meantime...I am absolutely certain that this weekend will involve cake.

Bring it

Well, a week has gone by, so it's time to check in with myself on how I did with my goal. I wanted to focus last week on drinking one 32oz bottle of water a day. I managed to do that every day except Tuesday. Tuesday, I only got about 3/4 of it down. I also worked a little on tracking last week, I did so-so with it. What I did track, I tracked honestly. And wow - who knew a Jimmy Johns sandwich would be 17 points! Gah! But, at least now I know.

I also made sure I got all my vitamins and supplements taken. It's already pretty much a habit, but I made sure to check that box three times a day. I want to be sure that I'm getting what my body needs to be healthy, not just for me but for the future when we start a family.

In place of my weekly 3 mile walk, I participated in the Worldwide Photo Walk on Saturday morning and we walked for a little over two hours. I wish I'd worn my pedometer! I did make sure to stay hydrated though. I'll be posting photos from the walk in the next few days. I got some that I'm pretty proud of.

So, I feel good about how I did last week - mostly I was mindful of my behavior and I tried to stay in the role of objective observer rather than being harsh and judgmental of myself. I had an internal goal to see the scale go down throughout the week, and it did drop by 2.5 pounds towards the end of the week and then went back up two over the weekend.

This week my inspiration is this t-shirt. Nothing special, I know, but I love this t-shirt and I would really like to fit into it by Halloween this year. I'm going to work towards that goal and I think it's do-able!

So for this week, I'm going to continue to focus on my water, and work on drinking one and a half bottles a day. I'm also attending a new WW meeting tonight. I've lost interest in my regular meeting because my new leader is not so good. I'm not inspired or motivated at all by those meetings. So, I'm going to a new meeting tonight and I'm excited about making this change to get myself re-motivated for my weight loss.

Albatross

Lately my weight has been bothering me quite a bit and now that school is basically done, it's time to put my focus back on getting healthy and fit. I really want to get to a healthy weight and feel good in my body. I also am tired of being limited by my weight and my fitness level. So I'm ready to jump back in and make myself a priority. I have no illusion that this is going to be easy, but I won't get anywhere if I don't try.

Here's what I need to focus on:

Tracking what I eat

Attending weekly meeting and weigh in

Drinking water

Morning yoga sessions

Being mindful of what I eat/drink - making healthy choices

Getting all my workouts in at the gym - and being present and focused during

Making my weekly 5k walk

Taking my daily vitamins and supplements

Taking care of my skin

Staying on track with all of this by journaling and/or blogging

Ok, that's a lot. But, I can do a little bit at a time so that I don't get overwhelmed. I just need to re-focus so that I'm not just going through the motions, and also I need to be consistent until it all becomes a normal part of my routine. I want this to be a lifestyle. I want to be able to live with any of the changes I make. I'm not dieting and I'm not doing this for the sole purpose of losing weight. I want this to be my life.

So, I'm going to check in weekly with myself and see how I'm doing. I thought it would be good to determine what I'm going to focus on this week and also give myself some weekly inspiration.

So, this week my focus is on drinking water. As hot as it is outside, being hydrated is especially important. I learned that the hard way this weekend. So, I think it's a good place to start. I have a 32oz bottle of water sitting on my desk and I want to drink three of these a day. I'm going to focus on getting one down though.

And for my weekly inspiration: this gorgeous dress from Anthropologie.

I'll check in next week to look at how I did.